Private Musings of Severus Snape

Private to All who are invited to the Bonding

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 15:06:06 GMT

Quickly and fretfully penned shortly before morning classes on Friday, the last day of term and day before the Bonding:

The invitation is here

It has come to my attention that Nymphadora Tonks has returned from ~~whatever rock she crawled beneath~~ her leave.

If you are among those invited to our Bonding, you know Remus and I well enough to recall our personal tragedy less than a year ago, in which we lost Mandy. During those trials, Auror Tonks was beyond disrespectful to Remus. Her words and actions wounded him deeply and made a truly horrific experience even worse.

I will be seriously, seriously displeased if anyone allows that woman to come to our Bonding as your 'guest'. Only Fenrir Greyback himself would be more unwelcome at our celebration. Being well aware that the individual in question is capable of altering shape as she choses, I will be personally erecting Recognition Wards around the entire area. I am both highly skilled at such wards and well enough acquainted with her magical signature to create the alert.

Anyone who knowingly attempts to assist her in slipping past our safeguards will be removed from the premises.

It is not in our nature to be demonstrative with our emotions or our relationship. We pay you a sincere compliment in our invitation to share something so private and meaningful to us. It is our desire that you will respect our wishes in this regard. To have someone attend who would cause pain and distress by their very presence would not enhance our experience in any way.

Sincerely,
Severus Snape

Private to Remus

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 13:23:54 GMT

After receiving this owl.

If you do not send those blasted goblets back to the slag, at least lock them away where I never have to set eyes on them - or give them away so I don't even have to imagine them in our house. Consider the forbearance I showed this morning not to hurl them across the Great Hall to shatter into fragments the moment they arrived with the Owl Post.

I absolutely refuse to have them present at our Bonding.

If she wishes to make-nice with you, it is your choice whether or not to permit it - though after how she treated you, I would recommend not. Either way, you will please kindly encourage her to leave me out of it.

I will not say she was wrong in her accusations - there was much I might have done differently from the moment Mandy went missing that might have spared her life. I will live the rest of my life knowing the weight of my culpability. We can at least agree that I failed you all in that regard. Nymphadora Tonks cannot be more aware of my inadequacies than I am.

Nonetheless, I will not have those inadequacies thrown in my face, now. And certainly not at our Bonding. You seem to be willing to tolerate me despite them, so there we are. It ought to be none of her business, now.

~~I forbid~~

~~She will not~~

~~You must not~~

It would distress me greatly to have her present at our Bonding. I would prefer that you not extend the invitation.

~Severus

Bonding Invitations

Tue, 01 Apr 2008 17:19:39 GMT

I was very late in remembering to post this, and then finally had a few seconds to catch JL online this morning. The guest-list has been expanded to include all the Weasleys at Remus' request. (Severus was keeping to only those he knew very well - and trusted to behave themselves, hence the twins did not make his list.)

Also, Remus knew Isadora throughout school while Severus didn't know her at all, so she's added.

So there are a few more people on the 'guest list' than what was there before. The full list can be found here with a P.S. that is only on the Twins' invites. ;)

Private to Ginevra

Tue, 25 Mar 2008 18:43:21 GMT

Ginevra,

Have you been to see Draco since his removal to his home? I am not remotely sanguine about the state of his leg. It is possible you will need to be involved in reconstruction work as you did with June.

I will be going to the Manor tonight to deliver additional supplies and see the healing progress for myself. If you are available, perhaps you will accompany me? Your assistance and opinion would be most valuable.

~Severus

Two Shall Be Made One

Tue, 18 Mar 2008 01:14:12 GMT

Date: Saturday, 5 April
Time: 6:00 p.m.
Place: King's Road Inn, Scotland
Characters Involved: Remus and Severus only for the main Bonding ceremony. Feel free to reply to the 'guests' tail if you wish.
Rating: G - it's a wedding, folks. Hankies optional for the tearfully sentimental.

Links:

Bonding Vows shamelessly gacked from here and modified at our whims.

Bonding Robes designed by JL. The Alter graphics are also done by JL.

Bonding Rings semi-designed by Lisa, rough ideas turned into visual masterpiece through Photoshopping by Jessie

The enormous room was the inside of an old barn which had been completely renovated into something much more. The owners of the Inn had converted it to a gathering hall for just such occasions as these, though as this was Scotland it could well be imagined that the countless scuff marks on the polished hardwood floor were the result of such gatherings turning into outright Ceilidhe.

For now, the room was set with many chairs in preparation for a Bonding. The central aisle was formed by the space left between the equally divided groups of chairs, with a shorter aisle running across the front of the chairs, so the two met in the shape of a 'T'. Severus was to enter through the door on the left-hand side of the front aisle while Remus would enter from the right. As there was no 'bride', the central row would only be used for them to walk down together as they left the area after the ceremony.

Once the ceremony was over, the guests would be asked to rise and step aside temporarily as the hall was converted to a reception area instead. After the antics of Draco and Potter last night, Severus feared this might well degenerate into a Ceilidhe as well.

The hall was decorated with fragrant magical greenery and the occasional solitary rose or tastefully colourful berries. As neither of them were particularly effeminate nor had any desire to be so, Severus felt it would be ridiculous to bedeck the place in flowers, though the Matron of the establishment had felt the need to embellish the area somewhat in light of the occasion. The sunlight pouring in through the magical stained-glass windows gave enough vibrant colour to the scene that only the most ardent traditionalist could have truly noticed the minimal use of flowers.

None of that really mattered just now as far as Severus was concerned. Waiting was over. Somehow, he'd survived the last two hours without having a heart attack or going absolutely round the twist with anxiety. The music began, audible through the door behind which he'd been cloistered during his preparations.

It was time. The door opened and his attendants proceeded him through the door. Cuff links were firmly affixed. Draco carried the ring, walking nearest to him with Malfoy grace despite the cane, regal and assured.

Severus didn't even spare a glance for the seated rows of guests. What had been intended as a 'small, simple ceremony' had become an enormous ordeal. If he allowed himself to think of anything beyond Remus at this juncture, his courage might fail him completely. As it was his palms were perspiring madly, his heart threatening to beat its way out of his chest with great pounding beats like a jackrabbit pummeling a cage door.

He was not at all afraid to be Bonded with Remus. He still wanted that more than anything in the world. Remus' influence in his life had completely altered his entire existence, all for the good.

That was the source of panic.

Nothing good ever happened to him. Or if it did, it rapidly became something horrible instead, merely disguised as something good to start. No one ever loved him, they only pretended to for whatever use they could get out of him. He couldn't properly love anyone else, or if he did, they died or were killed or otherwise taken from him in a horrific manner.

What if he was ruining everything they had by tempting the Fates? What if something horrible happened to Remus, now, and it was all his fault? What if he was utter and complete pants at being a spouse? Odds were very good that this would be the case, after all! What if Remus left him? What if... what if... what if...

And then he looked up, his eyes wild, and caught sight of Remus beyond the heads of Glamis, Zak and Potter. One look in those familiar, beloved, honey-brown eyes, and his world righted itself.

Remus did love him, and he adored Remus in return. To Hell with tempting the Fates - they owed him for a lifetime of misery and more. Hadn't they already proved, time and again, that they could face any obstacle together? Mandy's murder. Remus' reckless Greyback hunt. Draco's terrifying attack. Ministry Collars. Bobbleheads and ridicule.

Together, they were stronger. It was time to make that permanent, public commitment. Today. Here. Now. Forever.

He swallowed hard and wiped his hand surreptitiously on the velvet of his robes, thankful the dark plush would conceal what he had not been able to suppress, and held out his hand to Remus with a smile playing about his lips.

Pre-Bonding Jitters - Severus

Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:54:48 GMT

Date: Saturday, 5 April
Time: 4:00 - 6:00 p.m.
Place: King's Road Inn, Scotland
Characters Involved: Severus, June, Draco, Lucius
Rating: Maybe PG for language - Severus is panicking.
OoC: Bonding robes designed by JL. Quick-sketch-drawing is hers. :)

Outwardly, Severus was the very image of calm, cool and collected. Of course he was. This was the man who had spied on Lord Voldemort for years without ever betraying his true loyalty. He did not allow his emotions to be on display for all to see under any circumstance. Certainly not mundane, pathetic, weak emotions like fear or nervousness or anxiety.

Who the fuck was he kidding?

Once glance in one of the many mirrors placed about the room threw that arrogant nonsense right out the window.

He was a nervous wreck and it showed.

His hair was freshly cut once again, the careful shaping by Myron Wagtail's stylist restored to its original intent. The same fop had also spent hours removing all but the most intractable potions stains from Severus' fingertips.

The robes Remus had painstakingly created for him fit him like a second skin. Silk black trousers and white high-collared shirt were slick and cool against his bare legs as he'd donned them, but now were warm and sensual. His usual low-heeled boots were replaced with a brand-new pair, polished to a ridiculous shine. The careful knotwork of silver embroidery along the deep forest green velvet of his robes was subtly echoed by the finer trim of the dozens of buttons running down the front.

The small dressing room was becoming almost claustrophobic. Or maybe that was just his racing heart that was making it difficult to breathe properly. Just beyond this glorified closet was a sort of make-shift sitting room where those people on his side of the Bonding party waited. Somewhere beyond that room was the main hall in which he would soon be Bonded to Remus, and on the opposite side of where he was now there was a similar set-up for Remus and his attendants.

"All right, I'm coming out," he shouted to the door, beyond which his Bonding party waited for him. His voice cracked before he got all the words out.

He'd flat-out refused any help in getting dressed.

Clearing his throat, he called again, placing a sweaty hand on the door latch.

"Anyone who laughs is being hexed and tossed out of the Bonding party," he said warningly, before opening the door. He took one last deep breath as though to fortify himself to battle dragons and stepped out into the main room set aside for their preparations.

Chin held high, he glared at the opposite wall, unable to meet the eyes of the four people he'd chosen to stand with him today, and waited for the axe to fall.

Please Run the Friends-Add Command

Sat, 08 Mar 2008 04:13:44 GMT

We've had more new folks join us and I only just now got the friends-add-list edited to be accurate.

Please go here and run the friends-list command so your lists are up-to-date.

Cheers!
Lisa

Private to Several

Wed, 27 Feb 2008 04:16:05 GMT

[private to self]
FUCK!
[/private to self]

[private to Remus]
We have a huge problem. I have left tonight's Prophet in the sitting room.

It is quite probable I will soon be among the ranks of the unemployed. We may need to rethink purchasing a house at this juncture.

~~You would be best served to rethink the entire Bonding with me at all.~~

I need to get out for a bit.
[/private to Remus]

[Private to Lucius]Fuck!

I think we know what the bastard has been planning all along.

Shite. You'd best focus on damage-control and quickly, Lucius. Of course your family will wish to distance themselves from me in order not to harm your aspirations for the Ministry. I understand completely.

Don't even think of the Bonding - that's the last thing you need at the moment. I wonder how long we'll have to wait before your attack is printed?[/private to Lucius]

[private to Draco]
A circumstance has just arisen which changes everything.

Read the Prophet. Nothing is printed there that has not been publicly available since the end of the war. I had to give testimony at my trial, after all. But just because a thing is available does not mean people can be arsed to look at it.

Public opinion is about to become very, very unpleasant.

It might be best for your father's political aspirations if you distance yourself from association with me.

I will not be angry or cause a fuss if you decide it would be best not to be present at my Bonding.

~~If there even is a Bonding, now.~~
[/private to Draco]

Private to Mr Harry James Potter

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 14:09:46 GMT

Mr Potter,

Let us understand one another before you begin tossing accusations about.

Your quarrel, as ever, is with ME.

I was the one who asked Miss Ginevra Weasley to speak to you on Draco's behalf. Draco had nothing to do with it, and unsurprisingly Ginevra was more than willing to intervene in the situation.

The fact of the matter is it was the right thing to do, and Ginevra knows that as well as anyone else.

It is interesting to me how all your vaunted Gryffindor ideals of righteousness, justice and truth seem only to apply to those individuals who have garnered your favour. What does it say about you as a person, as a presumably pseudo-adult Man, that you allowed your personal prejudice and dislike to interfere with doing the honourable thing?

For my own personal amusement, allow me to add how humourous I find it that you continually display all those traits you claim to loathe in me and those individuals whose beliefs you claim to disdain. Prejudice, bigotry, isolationism, and the willingness to allow personal grudges and desire for revenge to dictate your actions are all firmly lying at your feet, Potter.

The mantle does not suit you. Moreover, it significantly tarnishes the shine of the great Gryffindor Saviour.

I suggest you make an effort to grow up and think beyond your emotional reactions if you truly wish to emulate all the highest ideals of your former House and present status among the wizarding world.

More importantly, perhaps, is the certain knowledge that an intelligent, beautiful, righteous young woman like Ginevra Weasley would never remain on friendly terms with someone displaying opposing character traits to those which she values.

This is spoken with the voice of experience, Potter.

Had you done the 'right' thing from the start, regardless of your own feelings in the matter, I would not have been forced to speak with Ginevra and you would not now be in your present situation. No one 'used' Ginevra against you. She is too strong a woman to allow it even were I to be so disrespectful of her to make the attempt. I merely asked her to speak with you because of your refusal to submit legal, truthful testimony. It seemed less unpleasant than asking the solicitor to submit a subpoena.

Which is it, Potter? You are either the 'better man' than the likes of me, or you are not. If you are, your real quarrel is with yourself and you will never deserve the companionship of someone like Ginevra. If you are, prove it through action and deed.

If you are not, keep on the path you are presently treading. You are doing a splendid job of demonstrating the ugliness of prejudice and bigotry. Followers will soon be flocking to your feet. What will your Mark look like?

Either way, your present ire ought to be directed at me. Draco did nothing but request testimony which ought to have been freely given without question. I am the one who revealed your pettiness to Miss Weasley.

~Professor Snape

Private to Remus

Tue, 26 Feb 2008 05:12:58 GMT

I went to Lucius' announcement speech over the lunch hour today. The crowd was surprisingly large - I did not see you there. Did you come?

Admittedly, I was not especially scanning the crowd for anyone. I was too busy engaging in a slight run in with Herself. Nothing more than exchanging a few verbal barbs, honestly, but there is a slight scratch on my jaw I thought I'd best warn you about.

It is probable that I took just a little too much enjoyment out of needling her. In retrospect it was probably not wholly wise no matter how amusing at the time. I actually believe I was seconds away from having her foaming out the mouth like a rabid Kneazle.

Nonetheless, I realise the others grow weary of my Alastor Moody impression. Still, heightened vigilance would not be amiss.

See you tonight. I have detentions, I will be late.

~S.

Private to Mr Aiden Rhys

Mon, 18 Feb 2008 03:42:12 GMT

Sir, you have a very unpleasant habit of dragging people's good names through the muck in order to make your points.

Your argument against becoming that which you profess to despise is only effective when you do not paint everything in such glaring hypocrisy that your dialog becomes utterly meaningless.

You should also be aware that I consider Miss Ginevra Weasley to be under my personal protection. I suggest you call off your stalkers and your watchdogs and leave her alone. It would be most unfortunate if our differences of opinion were to become unpleasant.

Professor S. Snape
Assistant Deputy Headmaster
Head of Slytherin House
Potions Master
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry

Public - Minister Weasley?

Sun, 17 Feb 2008 04:36:02 GMT

Date: Saturday, 16 February

I will not waste my time submitting my thoughts to The Prophet. Even if they deigned to print my commentary, I would not wish to be published alongside the tripe which generally counts as journalism within those pages.

Nonetheless, I feel obliged to express my opinion regarding Mr Arthur Weasley's recent editorial, with the full awareness that said opinion coming from a former Death Eater is not likely to be worth much.

Mr Weasley has informed us all of his decision to run for Minister for Magic. This is a bold step which requires a great deal of personal fortitude and strength of character. I have no doubt Mr Weasley possesses both in sufficient quantities.

Unfortunately, in railing against the prejudicial policies of the current Minister, he is displaying his own prejudices in glaring light.

Part of the problem presently facing our society is what, exactly, to do with people like - well, me. There is an entire populace full of tender-hearted do-gooders who believe that true justice is only served when the evil are marked, labeled and neatly tucked away and the good are free to live unfettered. Such individuals find the murky areas of grey so unfathomable that it is better to pretend it does not exist.

If my actions were done under orders of Albus Dumbledore in order to further the ultimate demise of He Who Must Not Be Named, then how does one classify me? Death Eater, certainly. I bore the Mark and did the deeds. Let us all be very clear - I do not believe in doing anything if it is not done well. Not only by Albus Dumbledore's sacrifice did I earn my place at the right hand of evil.

Some would argue that my motivations were justification enough. I had to be where I was in order to perform the task which eventually resulted in the demise of said evil. No one else could have possibly been close enough or found the information in time. Therefore, the fact that I did not want to be doing what I was doing, that in my secret-most thoughts I was disgusted with myself and remorseful for my actions is enough to classify me as 'good'. I was on the correct 'side', working for the 'greater good'. Therefore, my pardon is somehow earned and I am considered, at least on official documents, as redeemed.

However, the acts were still committed, unquestionably. Logic will out. A man capable of murdering a life-long mentor in cold blood, regardless of 'orders', is not a man to be taken lightly.

I am by no means the only person living in this state of ambiguous redemption. Something must be done. Hence the birth of the Registry and later the tracking devices.

Arthur Weasley attacks Lucius Malfoy in his editorial. I would posit that Lucius is no different than myself. Admittedly, I do not know Lucius' role during the war, even though we often worked closely together. It was the nature of the leader we served to maintain secrecy and distrust throughout the ranks.

What I do know for incontrovertible fact was that Lucius Malfoy's only child was held hostage to ensure Lucius' cooperation and good behaviour. On more than one occasion, Lucius was forced to watch while his son endured torments that would have broken lesser men, let alone a teen aged boy. If Lucius had swayed, had stepped one toe out of line, the horrible death assured to his son would have been beyond imagination. At least part of Lucius' motivations during that time was a direct result of wishing to do anything possible to protect his son.

I defy any human being who has ever known parental affection for a child to argue that you would have done anything different. If you think you would have behaved else wise, I tell you now, you are a liar.

Whether or not Lucius was a spy for the Ministry might be an open question. The Pardon has been given and he is under no obligation to provide evidence on that subject to anyone, ever again. If his experience is anything like mine, to live it was horrific enough. To relive it in personal testimony was almost unbearable. To suggest he ought to do it again, particularly when much of it is available in his book, seems to me to be nothing more than a political stunt making use of personal and public prejudice.

Many, many people, on both sides of the war, did many things which will haunt their lives forever. If we are to begin persecuting our citizenry for war-crimes, you will not get away with focusing your attention on former Death Eaters. We will be very quick to shine the light of truth in the other direction as well.

How closely would the Ministry like the war-records of the Auror department examined? What interrogation techniques were used? How many deaths occurred at the hands of the so-called 'good guys'? How many of those deaths were people who were only among the Death Eaters because He Who Must Not Be Named had coerced their cooperation? Innocent parents whose children were among the Death Eater captives, or whose children were threatened with 'visits' from Fenrir Greyback?

I do not argue that Mr Weasley might well be better suited to be Minister than the present dunderhead.

I do argue against any candidacy that would mount its arguments and begin its platform by attempting to redefine the hated, undesirable section of the populace. It is my opinion that divisiveness of any sort is what started the entire horror to begin with, as was true in the warm against Grindlewald, as has been true in countless wars throughout the centuries whether Wizarding or Muggle.

Prejudice, no matter how narrowly or broadly defined, is never a good campaign platform.

A rare public idyl

Wed, 13 Feb 2008 17:52:03 GMT

Well. I must say. It has been a very, very long time since I have been so excessively amused by anything printed in The Daily Prophet.

It makes me wonder the manner of spirits which Ms Skeeter must be imbibing. As well as her editors.

My opinion of everyone working at that esteemed publication has now been not only confirmed but publicly exonerated.

Never have my lab animals had such appropriate lining for the bottoms of their cages.

If any of those quills or that ink finds its way into Hogwarts, I will make certain it is traced back to you. I'm not yet certain of how you accomplished it, but I am confident my suspicions are correct.

Nonetheless, much as it pains me to say it - well done.

~Professor Snape

Private to all who attended Spinner's End Christmas and Public

Fri, 01 Feb 2008 23:47:36 GMT

[Private to all who attended Spinner's End Christmas]

I would like to know precisely which loose-lipped individual dared to speak of our upcoming Bonding ceremony with the Quibbler?

Yes, it was announced at the house Dinner. No, this did not automatically grant permission for you lot to discuss our private business with nosy reporters!

I am seriously displeased.

[/end private]

Public

The term for two men entering into a legally binding relationship is a Bonding, not a marriage, as the idiots at the Quibbler clearly are unaware.

Some of us manage to conduct our personal lives with more dignity and privacy than the average hormonal, unwashed masses.

I invite you all to mind your own sodding business.

~Professor S. Snape
Potions Master
Assistant Deputy Headmaster
Head of Slytherin House

Private to Draco Malfoy, Private to Ginevra Weasley

Wed, 30 Jan 2008 00:59:32 GMT

[private to Draco]
GINEVRA is the 'bint'? How dare you call her that! Ginevra would never have deliberately enticed you into anything! She is a very honourable young woman.

Did you . . . compromise her virtue?

Bloody hell, Draco! If you have to mess someone about, did it have to be her? She is a very talented, bright young woman, not your average mentally vacuous play-thing!

I'll be contacting her at once.

I do realise Skeeter has a tendency to exaggerate, greatly. I am hoping she has dramatically overstated the situation here.

On the other hand, if all is not as it seems and you and Ginevra were to become, well, fond of one another, you would have my support.

Provided you treated her with dignity, of course.

You could certainly do worse.

~S. Snape[/end private to Draco]

[Private to Ginevra Weasley]

Ginevra,

I have just seen the evening paper. Are you all right? You can rest assured that Draco will hear from me if he has injured you in any way.

You are a Healer now, so I presume you know to take care of yourself, but if you have need, I keep a heavy supply of contraceptive potions at free-access in the Slytherin common room.

Doubtless your first instinct will be to allow your brothers to tend to the situation. I would ask that you moderate their response as much as possible.

On the off-chance that Skeeter has it partially accurate and my assumption and presumption is incorrect, I would not be remotely against an association between yourself and Draco. I am exceedingly fond of the young man - when he is not making a prat of himself.

The household passed the full moon without incident. Are your supplies for the clinic continuing to keep up with the demand? You will, of course, tell me at once if you have need of anything.

~Severus [/end private to Ginevra]

Private to Draco

Thu, 08 Nov 2007 19:18:42 GMT

Date: Wednesday, 7 November (slightly backdated)

Draco,

Would you have time to come to Hogwarts some evening this week? I have news I wish to share with you which I would not wish you to hear from any other source.

Related to this news, I have a favour to ask.

~S.

First Anniversary

Fri, 02 Nov 2007 16:38:35 GMT

Date: Monday, 5 November 2001 - prewritten for convenience of Muns involved.
Place: Starting at Hogwarts and then a surprise
Time: Beginning immediately after Remus' last class of the day until returning to the school in time for morning lessons tomorrow.
Characters Involved: Remus Lupin and Severus Snape, only
Rating: Quite probably NC-17, eventually, though it might be until next year before it gets there. ;)
Thanks to Jessie, aka prof_stargazer for doing the photoshop work for the rings!! Thank you Jessie!

Everything was in readiness. It had required months of forethought, weeks of careful and meticulous planning, and countless hours of nervous anticipation. Anticipation which was sometimes eager and pleasant, other times fretful and unpleasant. He did not absolutely fear rejection at this point, but it remained a distinct possibility.

There were some things he would never be able to give Remus. He was no woman, with whom Remus could father a child of his own - though the idea of adopting and raising a child or even children with his lover was no longer remotely odious. Still, he was what he was - unattractive, unpopular, unpleasant and generally ill-suited to be anyone's life-partner. That would never change.

Despite those undeniable defects, Remus loved him. Severus still found the very idea unfathomable. It would probably never be sufficient to completely banish his ingrained insecurities. But he didn't doubt the sincerity of Remus' emotions or the depth of his devotion.

One year ago, today, he had presented himself at Remus' door in nervous anticipation of spending an entire day in his company, hoping to determine if there were any chance of Remus ever returning the attraction he'd come to feel for the other man.

What a day that had been! Careful planning had been involved there, too. It had been the indisputable start of their 'togetherness', despite the tumultuous path along the way. His jealousy first of Stella Sinestra and then of Nymphadora Tonks might have ruined everything. Or Harry Potter's initial unwillingness to accept their relationship might have given Remus cause to reconsider. Mandy's death and his inability to adequately cope with his own grief had certainly threatened to pull them apart at the seams.

All those obstacles that might have easily torn the relationship asunder had instead brought them closer together.

Severus knew, with a certainty he'd never had for anything else in his life, that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Remus. He wanted to support Remus in his times of trial, to lean on him when his own stress became too great to bear alone, and face all the joys and hardships of life with the other man at his side.

That was the most amazing thing. To admit, even in the privacy of his own thoughts, that there was any possibility for life to hold any 'joys' at all! Remus had given him that gift.

Such a material change in the very foundation of his existence deserved to be acknowledged. Celebrated. Honoured.

Made 'official' with the promise of as much permanence as ever-changing human nature could allow.

Severus' lessons were over two hours before Remus' on Mondays, which gave him enough time to pack a magical valise for both of them, considering he'd not permitted Remus to even know where they were going. There was also a wide stone, rune-worked basin carefully packaged within, as well as a potion bottle containing a misty, smoke-like substance swirling within it.

The most important item of the day was securely stowed into the breast pocket of the dark green silk shirt he wore, tucked sleek against his lean frame and into the waist of fitted black linen trousers. Freshly showered and shaved, his hair brushed along his shoulders, making soft, swishing sounds against the leather jacket he was wearing. The same leather jacket he'd worn a year ago.

There would be no knocking nervously on Remus' door, waiting anxiously for him to answer. Instead he forced himself not to pace - much - in their shared sitting room as he waited for his lover to return from class so their excursion could begin.

An old, hackneyed saying kept circulating in his mind, twisting itself to match his present feelings - and hopes.

Hope was another stranger to him, another gift from Remus. For years he'd refused to allow himself to hope for anything.

Now, he hoped that today was truly the first day of the rest of his life. The rest of their lives, together.

Private to Remus

Wed, 31 Oct 2007 17:55:08 GMT

Remus,

Clear your calendar on Monday. The moment your last class is finished, we are going away. We will be back in time for classes Tuesday morning. Minerva is aware that we are leaving.

No questions - I will not answer them. Bring what you like - if it is not appropriate for the setting, your transfiguration skills are more than sufficient to improvise.

See you at the feast tonight. One thing I find I enjoy about Minerva's new sorting system is that I am no longer disturbed in the wee hours after every Halloween feast to tend to a first-year who has over-indulged on sweets.

Yours,
S.

Private to Molly Weasley

Wed, 26 Sep 2007 02:35:07 GMT

Mrs Weasley,

As per our original discussion, I am now ready to give you a schedule for your assistance with my N.E.W.T. classes. I suspect June will be grateful to have some of her workload lifted, as I am still relying on her quite heavily for the viewers.

The sixth year N.E.W.T. class is a double period once a week, so you should expect to be here for the two hour class. The seventh year class is three hours long once a week, as this is where we cover the most complex aspects of brewing.

I'm sure Minerva will admit you through the Floo network so that you can return to your job at St. Mungo's as soon as the class is over. If you will spend an evening or two here at Hogwarts so I can discuss my expectations for the homework, I will likely have you take over the Marking for those two classes as well. You will re-learn as much from the process of finding and correcting the errors in the written work as you will refresh from listening in on and assisting with the practical work.

If you find you need more assistance than this provides, let me know. I will see you in class.

~S. Snape

Private to Several

Thu, 30 Aug 2007 14:39:16 GMT

Date: Thursday, 28 August
Time: Early morning

[Private to Draco:]
I am given to understand that a certain acquaintance of mine has been more than slightly imprudent. I wish to speak with you at your earliest convenience.

NOW would be preferable. I am at home.

~Severus[/end Private to Draco]

[Private to Augustus Rookwood]

Mr. Rookwood

Forgive the informality of the medium, but it is more expeditious than owl post. The Headmistress informs me that you have made inquiries as to the Quidditch position for my House.

As I am Head of Slytherin House, the interview for the position will be conducted with me. I have one hour available this afternoon or Friday morning.

~Professor S. Snape
Potions Master
Head of Slytherin House [/end private to Rookwood]

[Private to June]

We need to discuss work schedules when classes resume. My preference would be to have you begin to take over management of the viewer-project. Finnigan dislikes the delay in order-fill rates. I fear he will begin to seek an inferiour supplier to decrease turn-over time if we cannot meet the demand. Keep an eye out for potential individuals to hire to expand the operations.

Additionally, Molly Weasley has recently contacted me in quest of assistance to revise her potions skills. It is my intention to allow her to assist in the N.E.W.T. level classes, both to aid her endeavours and to minimise our work-load there, to increase our availability for the viewer project.

We can discuss the details this weekend. Potions are in the kitchen.

~Severus[/end private to June]

Public to All - particularly Mr 'Aiden Rhys'

Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:52:51 GMT

Date: Monday, 27 August
Time: Early morning, just after reading this rubbish in the Prophet
Place: Spinner's End

I will not deign to submit an editorial to The Daily Prophet. It is questionable whether there exists enough cognitive function within its ranks to comprehend an intelligent rebuttal, even if they were inclined to publish it.

However, there was so much which was grossly fallacious within your most recent piece of drivel that I refuse to remain silent.

Werewolves, unlike other 'magical creatures', are human. A person is not born a werewolf. Lycanthropy is a magical curse which only infects humans - by its very nature the curse itself proves an individual's humanity.

As to perpetuation of their species, as you seem to think is their aim, your argument is completely ludicrous. A feral werewolf, one who has not had the benefit of Wolfsbane potion or one who has wholly embraced the curse and accepted it as part of the core of their magical being, does seek to infect others. This is not, however, a normal biological drive. Indeed, women who have become infected with lycanthropy cannot bear children - the curse destroys the ability to answer this innate call.

Had you possessed the gonads necessary to actually engage in research of your subject before you put quill to parchment, you would have learnt that the drive for most people infected with lycanthropy is precisely opposite of your claim. St. Mungo's receives numerous werewolves into their transformation cells each month as those who cannot afford to purchase the Wolfsbane potion scramble to find secure ways to ensure that they do not infect others.

St Mungo's, our hospital for Magical Maladies and Injuries, which cannot or will not offer any basic comfort or dignity to werewolves in this condition. Apparently 'compassion' only extends to those who don't truly need it.

For most werewolves who live within this torment of societal isolation, public stigmatisation, and agonising physical pain every twenty-eight and three-quarters days, allowing the 'species' to die out would be the most desirable outcome possible. Indeed, there are some of us who ply our intellects toward finding a cure for the magical curse rather than waste our time vilifying those who have been victimised.

Does your scenario apply to some werewolves?

Indeed, most emphatically yes. As an individual who has been intimately acquainted with Fenrir Greyback, I assure you his fondest wish is to infect everyone. He fully embraces his curse - calls it a 'gift' - and becomes more feral with every passing year. I have no doubt that there are others who might share his opinion - particularly as Fenrir presently lives free while law-abiding werewolves are continually restricted.

Were the Ministry for Magic to put real effort into hunting the truly dangerous rather than executing the innocent, our society would be the safer for it.

Is the fact that Fenrir Greyback is as mad as a rabid Knarl excuse enough to incarcerate all Werewolves? Is the fact that he would cheerfully infect each of us, starting with the children, reason enough to remove wand-carrying rights from a handful of law-abiding werewolves who cannot possibly be a threat?

This is a slippery slope, Mr Rhys, and one I would not attempt to descend were I you.

Is the fact that He Who Must Not Be Named touted pureblood supremacy above all else and nearly destroyed our entire world in his quest for absolute power reason enough to incarcerate all purebloods? Or collar and trace all purebloods? Or limit their ability to do magic?

As to the wolfsbane potion consumed by Mandy Brockelhurst and all the members of my household over the course of the past seventeen months, each and every dose has been personally brewed by me. If you wish to take exception to the efficacy or quality of any potion I have ever brewed, I invite you to come and speak with me directly at Number 23, Spinner's End. I dare say the dialog would be most enlightening.

We will never know the circumstances surrounding the mauling of Cormac McLaggen nor how Mandy came to be involved, but she did take the potion every day for the full five days preceding the Full Moon. She was as timid and gentle a young woman as you could ever meet - and no less so in her wolf form which I had been in close proximity with on a number of occasions.

It is completely impossible for Mandy Brockelhurst to have done what she was accused of without incredibly extenuating circumstance - but she was not granted trial nor even given opportunity to offer testimony of what happened. Under Wolfsbane potion, her memory of the events would have been completely clear. What harm would it have done to anyone to give her Veritaserum (assuming the Ministry has found competent brewers in the last ten months) and hear her testimony before murdering her?

More importantly, what does it say about our oh-so-benevolent and protective Ministry for Magic when one examines the method of execution? Mandy Brockelhurst was murdered by intravenous injection of Silver Nitrate, the most slow and painful way possible for a werewolf to be killed. Additionally, her entire household was forced - not invited, sir, but forced, helplessly, to watch her die in agony.

Who, Mr Rhys, is the monster, here? What sadism is this? What rationale?

If I may be so bold as to offer my opinion now, after months of silence, I would like to publicly state that this was a common device used by He Who Must Not Be Named when he wished to instill psychological torment upon the surviving family members.

It is a very fascinating testimony on the state of our present society, if nothing else.

Do come and have that Potions discussion, won't you?

Drowning Sorrows

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 08:12:23 GMT

Date: Friday, 17 August
Time: Late afternoon
Location: Hogwarts then Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Severus Snape, Harry Potter, brief appearance by Zak Rollins
Rating: R for language

For at least half an hour after Remus left, stubbornly unwilling to listen to reason, heading blindly off into danger and almost certain death like the blasted Gryffindor he was, Severus stomped around his Hogwarts lab, trying to pretend he didn't give a Kneazle's arse what the idiotic prat was doing.

When denial and distraction failed to work and rage began to boil its way through the thin veneer of rigid control, Severus knew he had to leave, and soon. To allow himself free vent of the fury building like a too-hot pressure-cauldron here in his lab, would risk a repeat of the delay he'd caused Finnigan's over the viewers.

Instead, he abandoned all the work where it stood, turning off flames, covering cauldrons, leaving dirty knives and half-chopped ingredients where they sat. Storming through the floo to Spinner's End, he found a pale and worried Zak Rollins cooking and baking his way through every ingredient in the pantry.

"Out!" he barked at the boy.

"What? June and Glamis said I had to stay home," he protested tremulously, his eyes large and frightened in his face. For a moment, Severus felt a pang of sympathy. Like him, Rollins clearly thought he might not ever see any of them again.

"Go to Weasley's in Hogsmeade. Tell Ginevra we will likely have injuries and need her assistance. Do not return here until I summon you - and do not go anywhere else!"

Ginevra could be counted on to watch over the boy and the twins would certainly be better, more distracting company than he could be.

Besides, he fully intended to get rip-roaring pissed and did not want the boy to witness it.

Apparently, Rollins could either see the wisdom of this idea or he just preferred to be at the shop than alone in the house with Severus, because he put away his cooking utensils, left a ridiculous number of fresh-baked biscuits laying out on a plate on the table, and left. Severus poked his head through the Floo to follow him, making sure he was met by someone worthy on the other end.

For the first time in over a year, he had the entire house completely to himself.

It felt like a fucking tomb.

In a fury, he began to slam into anything and everything he could move. Picking up one of the end tables, he threw it against the stonework of the fireplace where it actually cracked a few of the dry and brittle stones in their equally ancient masonry before flying to pieces. Lamps hit book-covered walls, marring carefully tended leather spines, gouging woodwork. Flying glass tore through upholstery sending stuffing oozing out of the wounds of the furnishings.

It took some time, but eventually the energy of his fury was spent.

Striding through the wreckage to his liquor cabinet, he found an unopened bottle of cognac. There were other spirits there as well, but he might as well start with the best while one was still aware of the flavour.

He slammed down a healthy measure of the liquid and then threw the glass tumbler he'd used against the wall just to watch it shatter.

He did it again.

And again.

After several rounds of this he was forced to repair the glassware in order to be able to continue the entertainment. He cut himself on a poorly reconstructed glass, and then discovered he was quite inebriated enough that a simple healing charm was almost beyond his ability.

This was probably not very prudent. If the bastard came home alive, and if any of the others survived as well, they'd probably be beaten to a pulp. Severus at least needed to be able to manage basic first-aid until Ginevra could be summoned.

Now he was in a quandary. Not a pleasant state to be when already well on the road to shite-faced.

Did he take a sobering draught now and forgo his intention to smother his panic and fury in drink?

That seemed like a rather pathetic waste of - he eyed the bottle on the shelf - three-quarters of a bottle of expensive Cognac.

Did he decide the fuck with all of them - if they were going to go out and get themselves killed, they could bloody well patch themselves up without him, and therefore it wouldn't matter if he was out cold from excess if they returned?

The crushing weight in his chest became sharply more painful at that idea, inspiring him to imbibe another drink before continuing to probe his options.

He was a Potions Master. This meant that right now, in his liquor cabinet, right along-side his plentiful spirits, were housed sobering draughts and hang-over remedies.

The problem, of course, was being sober enough to remember to take them in the correct order. A hangover preventative prior to the sobering draught would do no good whatsoever and might make the drinker terribly ill. A sobering draught without a healthy measure of hangover-cure chaser would have an even worse consequence.

This was one of the rare moments in his life when Severus actually wanted company, if only to have someone capable of handing him the correct potion in the correct order when he was blind-drunk.

Brilliant!

Now that finding himself a drinking mate had become such a fabulous idea, it was now time to scour the list of potential ~~victims~~ candidates.

As he contemplated whom to 'invite' to tend to him, he began to methodically repair the destruction he'd wrought throughout the room. Unfortunately, this was little better than his repair of the glassware considering his state, but it would bear superficial scrutiny. Close examination - or setting a tray too energetically on the poorly repaired coffee table, it would not, but he had other things on his mind at the moment.

Who to summon?

Draco first came to mind, but was immediately removed as an option. The young man had only recently returned home and they had only just begun to try and patch up all the thousands of things that were horribly wrong with their association. Watching Severus get humiliatingly drunk was not likely to improve Draco's opinion of him. The boy had at least a modicum of respect for him and valued his advice and opinion. Severus wanted it to stay that way.

This consideration of maintaining respect and some degree of dignity also then ruled out Rollins, Ginevra and any of the other Weasleys. Minerva would never let him hear the end of it (though the other concern there was that she might outpace him once he opened the Scotch and then they'd both be in his mess!)

What he needed was someone he could trust, implicitly, where the safety of Remus and his pack was concerned. Nymphadora then briefly crossed his mind, but he decided he didn't want to have to defend himself in a duel while drunk. The point was to stay alive to help patch up the others when they got home, so he could wring their bloody necks. Not get himself killed while he waited!

Aside from the trust in regards to Remus, he needed someone whose opinion of him didn't matter. He had no desire to try and remain dignified. If he did, he wouldn't be drinking himself to oblivion. What he needed was someone who disliked him but liked Remus.

Again, the list of people who fit that description was enormous. Sinistra. That other werewolf bloke - Moore. Katie Bell. Katie was a possibility - she was a Gryffindor which made her more likely to be trustworthy just on principle, but Severus quite feared he would kill her before he finished the cognac.

Ah. No, not then, as the cognac was gone now. He'd better make a choice, and soon, or he'd risk being unable to articulate well enough to use the Floo.

He leaned back in his chair, feeling pleasantly lazy though decidedly melancholy, even as part of his mind still raced circles around itself in panic over what was happening to his family.

That was the pleasant thing about being drunk, and why Severus could sympathise with alcoholics. He would never allow himself to descend to such a step on a regular basis, of course, because he valued every brain cell he possessed. But there was something very tolerable about the ability to completely numb those things which were absolutely unendurable. The alcohol had nicely walled off his panic for the present. As soon as he'd seen to the necessities, he could allow terror out to play again.

If Lily was alive, of course, he'd ask her. Then again, if Lily was alive the need to ask her to watch him get drunk over grief of Remus' impending death would probably not be necessary. If Lily was alive, Black and Potter would be, also, and they'd have strung him up by his bollocks and skinned him alive if he'd even have looked crosswise at Remus.

He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, recollecting a quiet game of chess, decades ago, with a pretty red-headed girl with a smile made of sunshine and eyes of emerald green.

Gods! He was drunk already! 'Smile made of sunshine'?

He snorted, but did not give up the pleasant mental image. She'd had the most unique eyes. He had been quite certain that no one, ever, would have eyes so vivid green in that almost exotic almond-shape.

Severus' eyes snapped open.

Potter. The younger.

Potter loved Remus. Potter would never do anything that would risk Remus' safety. Potter could, under proper motivation, maintain a reasonable degree of almost-secrecy. Potter could not possibly think any lower of him, Severus, so there was no need to worry about loss of respect.

Potter couldn't be trusted within five miles of a lighted cauldron - but given already precisely brewed potions, he was reasonably confident Potter possessed the ability to read the labels.

Now all that remained was to discover if Remus had connected the house Floo to wherever it was that Potter was presently residing.

Only one way to find out.

Standing with astonishing difficulty, he walked to the Floo without stumbling, but with rigid concentration which robbed his stride of all its usual grace. Throwing a fistful of powder into the low flame, he simply shouted, "Harry Potter!" into the sudden flare of emerald green fire.

"Potter!" he called again.

Private to Headmistress McGonagall

Tue, 14 Aug 2007 03:15:50 GMT

Date: Monday, 13 August

Headmistress,

I find from my daily gossip rag masquerading as a newspaper, that you have moved Coach Bell to Gryffindor House.

In fairness, I ought to admit that the sports writers at The Prophet do not seem quite as brainless as the rest of their so-called journalists. This is hideously ironic considering the average intellectual capacity of your average athlete, but there you are.

Doubtless this change of coaching appointment is as much a relief to Ms Bell as to myself. I have yet to decide whether you were the greater fool for offering her my House position or I for allowing myself to be talked into it.

Do not think this will put you in better standings to defeat my House. If I have to dust off my broom and get out there and coach them myself, we will give Gryffindor a run for your money.

Not that you are biased, being Headmistress, of course.

However, I find I am quite busy enough than to bother trying to herd children after enchanted balls. Please tell me you have someone in mind for my House Coach. Preferably someone who is not a former Gryffindor!

~Professor Snape

P.S. I believe I neglected to express my appreciation for the use of lab space at Hogwarts this summer. It has been exceedingly useful.

Private to Spinner's End

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 18:02:14 GMT

I've taken a subscription to The Quibbler. This month's issue is on the kitchen table.

Do not purchase anything advertised therein!

Am I to assume that we will be spending part of the day on Saturday on the steps of the Ministry for Magic? It would be most considerate if someone would inform me of these things before I read them in the papers.

I'm at Hogwarts if you need anything.

~Snape

"I'm Going Out. Don't wait up."

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 23:15:58 GMT

Date: 28th July
Time: Late morning
Location: Spinner's End
Characters Involved: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin
Rating: Probably not more than PG-ish?

Severus had turned avoidance into an art-form long before he had ever considered Remus Lupin as anything but just one more annoying Gryffindor. He'd avoided his parents as a child, bullies while in school, avoided some of the more distasteful assignments while among the Death Eaters....

One thing he could not avoid was himself. No matter how much he distanced himself from the people and places which distressed him, his mind continued to ruminate over the cause of that distress.

Presently, his subconscious (with far too much help from his conscience) was trying to keep the subject of his present avoidance-focus forefront in his mind.

Who was he really trying to 'help' by avoiding Remus so assiduously? Remus? When the werewolf had made it abundantly clear that he drew strength from Severus' presence and was suffering more from this present tactic?

Mandy's death and the means by which it had occurred had been a blow of such severity that a part of Severus was irrevocably shattered. He had told Remus, once, that he avoided allowing himself to 'hope'. It was pointless and only assured more pain when said 'hopes' were dashed.

But that had been before Remus had come into his life as so much more than ally or associate. He had been 'hoping', for many things, far more strenuously than he'd realised until Mandy's tragedy.

The thing that haunted him the most, however, was how profoundly he'd failed her. Failed them all. He felt and saw that failure each time he looked into the sorrowful eyes of his lover. Remus had counted on him. Depended on him. Trusted him to help protect his pack - and severus had FAILED.

Guilt clawed at him as though he'd swallowed a barrel-ful of fire-crabs, hot, sharp and painful, eating him away from the inside. It was fed by a healthy measure of sheer, unadulterated terror. If he could not keep Mandy safe - the most reclusive, quiet, truly innocent of their household, what of the others?

What if this pain was ignited by REMUS's death? How would he survive THAT?

Clearly, he had been correct all along. Love was far too painful to be endured and therefore ought not to be encouraged.

The problem, of course, was that he was already in love with the confounding werewolf and had not yet ascertained how to stop. Nor did he really want to stop, no matter how painful it was.

So he'd been avoiding the focus of the problem until he could consider the situation rationally enough to come to a logical conclusion. So far, rationality had stubbornly refused to come to his aid.

His first instinct, when Lucius' incoherent missive arrived, was to leave directly from the borrowed lab-space at Hogwarts where the Owl found him.

He found that even he was not such a bastard as to be willing to worry Remus and the rest of the household to go off on an errand which might well last several days. Gathering supplies from this lab which might come in handy - difficult to do as he did not know the nature of Lucius' ailment - he took the Floo to Spinner's end, pausing long enough to scour soot and potions-fumes from his robes.

The problem with his lengthy avoidance routine was that he now had no idea what the normal activity of the household was. Remus was often half-asleep or more when Severus returned home, sitting up in an armchair or propped up in bed, reading, trying to stay awake. They'd spoken briefly of trivial things - and not so trivial such as when Severus had informed him of the intense meeting between himself and Potter.

But mostly, Severus stayed away until exhaustion drove him to his bed and the guilty pleasure and undeserved peace of Remus' warm body entwined with his as he slept.

Thankfully, the house was small and the full moon was approaching. Rather than traipse through it looking for Remus, he paused in the doorway where sitting room, kitchen, stairs and hallway to the bedrooms conjoined.

"Remus!" he called out, though not terribly loudly, "If you are home, I would like a word. I'm heading to the cellar lab."

So saying, he did head directly to the lab - Lucius note did not leave time for dawdling, the man seemed genuinely ill, cursed, something. Severus' personal angst would simply have to be set-aside for the moment.

As he began to gather supplies here, he was disgusted with himself for the shameful hope that Remus might not be home, allowing him to leave a simple note that would avoid all possible confrontation.

Coward, indeed.